FUSION TRAINING SYSTEM

Unlock Your Highest Potential

SAD, SADDER, SADDEST

SAD: It is raining hard and my morning clients just cancelled their sessions… that means day off for me. [Start evil laugh] Muhahhahaha……… haahaha. You’re probably reading this from work, while I’m sitting in my couch eating a bowl of oatmeal not getting paid because I happen to work in a profession that doesn’t have paid vacation days ... hahahahaha, wait a second!!! [End evil laugh]. This sucks! ... Oh well!  *clicks on tv to watch rerun of ABDC* Quest Crew Rocks!

 

SADDER: I play on a basketball league in Campbell, sadly after every game I feel like I want to throw myself in front of the 22 bus**. To make myself feel better I go home and watch Tomb Raider, and then spend the better half of my night compiling my list of actresses that I think should replace Angelina Jolie as the next Laura Croft.

My Short List:     1. Kate Bickensale          2. Emmanuelle Chiriqui         3. Anne Hathaway
Honorable Mention: some former Hooters chick who’s name actually is Laura Croft. Hahahaha. NO LIE! I <3 Google.

** Note: after Tue or Thu night, if I don’t make it home, I probably just walked straight out of the building and threw myself in front of the bus. If that’s the case, Jenn you can have my Star Wars DVD Collection... Tina you can have all my old term papers/projects/test/final exams from SJCC ... and all my Nike Shorts.

 

SADDEST:Everyday I swallow my pride and train at the local commercial gym. While I may poke fun here and there, in all honesty, I could care less if someone wants to look like an a**hole doing squats on a BOSU ball. As a Human Performance Coach, it’s almost second nature for me to observe what other people do in a gym setting. That being said, once I put on my headphones (currently listening to: 30H!3, A Day To Remember, Hollywood Undead - thanks Terra) and start lifting heavy, I tend to filter out the stupid. That is of course, unless I just so happen to forget my MP3 player. Holy Shit! Epic nervous breakdown about to begin. Right in front of me a was trainer trying to jump rope on the BOSU. I wanted to spray the cleaning liquid in my eye so that my eyes can no longer see the stupidness happening. He then proceeded to jump rope while standing on the stability ball. And to make matters worse, the other trainers at the gym was complimenting and encouraging him. I heard one of the trainers that was encouraging the idiotic trainer say "dude, thats real functional training" (morons!). The term “functional movement training” has been bastardized over the past few years. There were some really smart people on the right track with their definitions and explanations initially; now, commercially-driven goons have redefined it to convince people that standing on a stability ball while performing some silly-looking unilateral inverted wiggling motion with a 2 pound medicine ball is the optimal way to be “functional and fit.” Last time I checked, if a movement got you from point A to point B, it was functional. I left the area to go to the free weights section. Now I’m forced to listen to some random guy (wearing his tight cut-off UnderArmour shirt no less) sound like he’s getting molested by a giraffe while he’s doing tricep kickbacks. Then there’s the two guys training together being obnoxious with their “GET IT SON” comments while doing hammer curls. All the while flexing in the mirror between sets, and yelling f-bombs to one another as if people were going to be impressed by their bada**ness. I certainly wasn’t as I was doing a full bottom squat front squat. I want to see these guys train with me for one day and walk away with their tail between their legs. I guarantee I would make them cry. Come to find out, those two guys were actually trainers working out during their off hours. Niiiiiiice! (In my best Borat voice “NOTTT!). How professional of them to act like complete morons for all potential clients to see. Here’s a little piece of advice to all trainers out there who happen to read this blog. People are ALWAYS watching you. Walking around cussing like a sailor, jumping up and down like a monkey and drawing attention to yourself is certainly going to make people want to spend their hard earned money to train with you. Hint: note sarcasm.

 

Here's the other crap I see:

 

1. Lots and lots of UnderArmour shirts being worn as a T-Shirt …. Umm, does the word “under” ring a bell? ... Would wear your underwear over your shirt?
2. “All you, all you, all you.” [random guy spotting his friend on the bench press who is clearly using more weight than he can handle].
3. People who are 30 lbs overweight, doing nothing but walking on the treadmill, while watching The View, and drinking Gatorade.
4. Trainers teaching people to squat in a Smith Machine. Trainers using the BOSU improperly. Trainers being stupid!
5. Guys who can pull the entire stack on a lat pulldown machine (with atrocious form), but can’t do ONE pull-up.

 

Thomas Plummer said on a conference that I attended that professionalism in the industry has basically gone down the tubes. Everytime I work out at the commercial gym, I can honestly say he is totally right.

 

Related Reading: BRAVO's WorkOut ; Dear Regis & Kelly ; April Jot Sheet

ALL IN THE DAYS WORK

 Cuddles hysterically laughing on the background and snapping pictures at the same time!

                                                                                                   

Haha – look I can fit inside, i'm so cool  Wait … how do I get out of here?     Hehehe ... im going to wiggle my way out. 

                                                                                   

      

                                                Timbeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!                   Oh man… that hurt.

ONCE UPON A TIME: "Daughter get in! … Ok, mom! … " 

(Mom starts to pull … 2 seconds later)

   

Wow your hella heavy! It must be all that rice. THE END 

Random Thoughts of the Week

Oh, where to begin. I’m in a bit of a conundrum here …

 

1. March 1, 2009:  I’m entering day 1 of Project: Fritzie Gets Sexified. Then I find out that a bunch of my friends are heading to downtown Palo Alto tonight to eat at Macaroni Grill. Nooooooooooooooooo. What’s the over/under that I’ll be able to resist temptation and limit myself to broccoli, celery, and chicken???? Anyone, anyone?

 

2. I got this question on my email the other day… Instead of putting it in the FAQ page, I figure I’ll ramble about it here.

 

Q:  I was just curious: why would surgeons have waited so long to repair Brady’s ACL? It seems that it would be ideal to do the surgery as soon as possible after the injury to give him more time to rehab and come back.

 

A: It actually has less to do with the anterior cruciate ligament (ACL), and more to do with the associated injuries he (presumably) had. It’s widely speculated that he ruptured both the ACL and medial collateral ligament (MCL). A MCL will heal on its own, in most cases, so they’ll give it 4-6 weeks to do so before going in to do the ACL reconstruction. Had he experienced a lateral meniscus tear, though (as is common in traumatic ACL injuries), they’d have gone in pretty quickly. ACL injuries that also include the lateral meniscus are typically much more serious and potentially career-threatening. With all ACL ruptures, they’ll usually have folks wait at least a few days to allow the swelling to go down. In some cases - particularly with really deconditioned individuals, they might opt for a period of physical therapy prior to the surgery to strengthen the surrounding musculature, reduce swelling, and ensure full knee extension ROM to improve post-op outcomes. Read my article on Bulletproof Knees

3.Its 3:20am… I used to think I had insomnia. I don't think that anymore. I just love life. And sometimes, when I should be sleeping, I end up thinking about the exciting stuff in my life and find myself wide awake.

 

4. If your knees suck, get Rehbands. (Note to Monique: buy 4 of them) For those that don’t know, Rehbands are just neoprene knee sleeves that provide a liiiiiiitle compression to the joint, and keep the joint warm during training. One word of caution: MAKE SURE YOU WASH THEM!!!!!! Sometimes I don’t know which smells worse, any knee sleeves worn by a basketball player or an old lady fart passing through an onion. It’s a toss up.

5. I hate the term “girl push-ups,” and I hate any trainer who has their female clients do them. I think it’s completely asinine to separate push-ups into two categories of “girl push-ups” and “regular push-ups.” The last thing I want to do when starting with a new female client is to establish a mentality that because she’s a girl, she can’t do something. If anything that just strikes me as very condescending. Nonetheless, I think a great starting point would be to perform elevated push-ups from either a bench or power rack with adjustable pins.  All in all, it just really frustrates me when I see or hear women give in to the mentality that they’re these delicate creatures who can’t lift like the boys. This is why I like sites such as stumptuous.com and figureathlete.com. Both sites have superb info in regards to how women should be training (hint: lift some freakin weights). Not to mention, as compared to the crap I come across in publications such as Oxygen Magazine, I’m much less inclined to want punch a hole through my computer screen.

6. Fascinating topics and two things that I really want to learn how to do: a.) how to make a fried egg without a spatula b.) how to became a ninja without ever receiving a degree in ninjalogy from an accredited institution. (Jennifer Stano, if you're reading this can you please teach me how to make a fried egg without a spatula)

7. I like to challenge myself, so I tried to top my previous best of eating 2 dozen eggs. I ate 28 eggs yesterday. I would have gone for 30, but I figured that might have been overkill. My next “challenge” is to see how many episodes of Rock of Love I can sit through before

a) I want to stab myself in the eyes….repeatedly 

b) Bret Michaels contracts a raging case of gonorrhea 

c) I get bored and watch The Hills instead.

8. EPIC breakdown coming up... I was at the gym when one dude walked up to these two young kids (not sure if they were with him or??) sporting the slightly cocked cap, black wife beater, and (oh yes!) the tribal tattoo that covered a good portion of his left shoulder and… (wait for it)… lifted his shirt to show them his abs! WTF! Douche to the douchiest power! I think I may have laughed out loud and vomited on my mouth at the same time.

 

9. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Sometimes “stuff” just doesn’t look pretty when you’re lifting heavy shit. That’s NOT to say that we don’t stress proper form and technique with my clients. However, we also realize that at times, there IS such a thing as over-coaching an athlete.

I often find it frustrating that many trainers get stuck on minutia, and will often use big words to make it sound like they know what they’re talking about. Without getting into too many specifics, lets just say that if more trainers spent their time focusing on getting their athletes stronger, and less time fretting about the fact that their right knee exhibited some slight valgus (caving in) on their heavy squats (GASP!!!!!!!!!!), I’d be less inclined to want to throw myself in front of a mack truck.

I am not saying that you shouldn’t address the issue if it’s blatantly obvious that it may lead to injury. However, sometimes you just need to let the athlete do his/her thing and understand that it’s not always going to look pretty when they’re lifting more weight then you ever will.

10. It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of the show The Biggest Loser. Below is a link of one of their trainers,  Jillian Michaels (no relation to Bret... weird, i know) showing us what it’s like to be a walking dysfunction:Please consult someone who actually knows what they’re talking about before beginning this or any other exercise program. Holy mother of ACL injuries, what in the hell was that?!?!?! I’ve seen one-legged meth addicts perform a cleaner lunge than that. This is more like a video of how not to do a lunge. Sadly, there are a lot of de-conditioned people who are going to follow this routine and hurt themselves. Thanks Jillian!!!

THINGS TO DO TODAY

Folks!

Its Wednesday... hump day... and run a bunch of errands day :)

1. Make an Amendment which bans all movies starring Ashton Kutcher and Keanu Reeves (minus the first two Matrix movies) from ever being played again. 

2. Make Alicia Keys sing the phone book to me every night before I go to sleep.

3. Post this question on my website and see if anybody can give me a good answer:  Can someone please explain to me why a movie like “Alvin and the Chipmunks” has made close to $200 million at the box office?

4. Place a bomb at every single treadmill in America. I feel that treadmills hurt people more than they help them.                           [My inbox is totally going to hate me today.]

This notion wasn’t more apparent than a few weeks ago when I accompanied my friend to a local commercial gym where we live. You can only imagine my elation when I walked into said commercial gym a few weeks back and observed one gentleman running on the treadmill for the entire hour I was there…..with not one, but two knee braces on. I’ve seen diabetic "coke" addicts who looked healthier than this guy. Granted I’m only speculating here, but I’m willing to bet there’s a strong correlation between the treadmill use and the fact that he’s resorted to having to wear two knee braces. I’ve been in the industry long enough where I’d bet money that I’m right.

It just demonstrates my point that the majority of people obsessed with getting their “cardio” in no matter what. Funny thing is, most have no idea what it means or what it entails. When I start working with new clients, they’re often perplexed why I don’t include more “cardio” in their programming. My retort is: “you’re lifting weights, that’s cardio.” Cardio refers to any exercise in which the heart and lungs are involved. This could be jogging, sprinting, swimming, and drum roll please….lifting weights. Quite simply- if you’re elevating your heart rate and respiration rate, you are engaging in some form of cardiovascular work. In other words: lifting weights can be an effective modality to improve heart health despite what your doctor tells you. Go perform a superset of heavy partial deadlifts followed by a set of chin-ups and tell me you’re heart rate doesn’t increase.

The point is, many (read: not all) people just need to accept the reality that running on the treadmill (or outside for that matter) is doing more harm than good. Additionally (and more importantly), if we’re going to be technical about it, sex counts as cardio. Yay us!

5. Organize hate mail in my inbox.

Stay Strong,

Fritzie